War Of Faith

Scenario: A "good vs evil" war is at hand. On one side is a General, prepared and equipped to handle whatever obstacle in order to walk out victory. The General orders a spy from his camp to the other side to obtain key information about the opponents whereabouts and plans and weapons. Upon knowing this information, it is meant to better guide the General in which approach and route he should take in his attack.

But what if? upon receiving the information, the General is intimated, frightened and tells his troops to pack up their stuff cause they have no chance in winning. 

What if? upon hearing and seeing the inside information, the General says within himself " the battle is lost already. No reason in even trying.."

Now imagine yourself as the General, with the necessary tools (weapons) and supportive team (troops) made available to you so that you have the best opportunity to come out a VICTOR in this battle. Imagine the spy is God, Himself. He is the one that comes and tells you exactly what the enemy is up to. He informs you on what the enemy is planning on hitting you with (inside information). But instead of you taking the information and allowing yourself to plan a counterattack  (of faith, through prayer/fasting/consecration/etc) to hit the enemy even harder, you just pack up your things and go home with your tail between your legs.

NEW FLASH: that is NOT why God gives you the inside information! God gives us the necessary information to ensure we walk out the victory!

During a time of war, spies are sent out to gather information so that these Generals would NOT be caught off guard. God does not want you to walk in blindly to a situation to be caught off guard. He wants you to know exactly what's going on so that you are better prepared spiritually and mentally. Don't allow yourself to become overwhelmed with the information. God is sharing these things so that you can build up your faith in the process of going after what He said is yours and will be.

If you do not have a disciplined faith life (prayer/studying the word/fellowship/home church/ etc) you leave an open door for the enemy to attack your faith in that area that God is needing you to have strong faith in. Your daily actions should be building up your faith and not feeding your flesh. Keep in mind that you may not be hitting the clubs, parties, fornicating, lusting, or any other type of obvious sin in order to be feeding your flesh. Your flesh grows and gains strength if you are not killing it daily. POINT, BLANK. Abstaining from sin is not enough, folks. You must feed your faith so that in these key times when God is trying to lead you through a specific battle to your victory (and His promise to you), you will not grow weary nor discouraged through what He shares with you to HELP not HINDER you. 

 It's when we're caught off guard that there are many mistakes, possible setbacks, and we're easily moved to react outside of Gods will for our lives. But a consistent prayer/faith filled life helps to keeps us on our toes with these things. Do not be dismayed nor discouraged by what you see in the natural if it doesn't line up with what God has said will be. Look at it as a test; to see if you'll press in with your faith in what God has told you. Many of these things are revealed to help direct us in the direction we should be praying. But be more concerned with Gods word over anything you may see and anyone elses word or opinion.

Remember friends: the enemy will always move to steal, kill, and destroy your portion and inheritance. We can make it easy for him by not protecting, guarding, and strengthening our faith. He knows that if he can successfully attack and hinder our faith in Gods word concerning a thing, he can move us out of a position of faith (Gods will). Don't allow your feelings and personal thoughts to aid the enemy in his attacks. Stay sober minded in your word and prayer.

Scripture References: 

•  The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread? - Psalm 27:1
• Blessed be the LORD, my rock, Who trains my hands for war, And my fingers for battle; My lovingkindness and my fortress, My stronghold and my deliverer; My shield and He in whom I take refuge; Who subdues my people under me. - Psalm 144:1-2
•  This command I entrust to you, Timothy, my son, in accordance with the prophecies previously made concerning you, that by them you may fight the good fight, keeping faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith. - 1 Timothy 2:1-4
• Put on the full armor of God, that you may be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, that you may be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming missiles of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. - Ephesians 6:11-17
•  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. - John 10:10

Life Before Christ

Born & raised in Texas, both parents from here also. They divorced when I was 5 and at that point it started to become very evident that they were complete opposites. Literally my mom appeared to be the only responsible parent and my dad came off like a best friend. They had their things that they struggled with though. My mother with anger and my father with alcohol. In high school I became very angry over the circumstances, with mom being over controlling (probably due to my fathers lack of parenting skills) and my father choosing alcohol over our relationship constantly.

I got into MANY fights in high school, skipped, got into alcohol, tried cocaine, weed, and after high school got into extacy pretty bad. I got raped while staying over at a friends house around the same time and was so ashamed, thinking it was my fault, that I shouldn't have been there in the first place. I think in my mind tried to down play the whole ordeal because my best friend at the time didn't believe me. I stop mentioning it after that.

I signed up for the Navy soon after graduation and continued to use extacy every now and then. Third year into the military, we were deployed overseas for the war in Iraq. I came back depressed and more self destructive than ever partly because of what I had seen there. But while being deployed I had also found out my father was diagnosed with Parkinson disease. I went home for leave after deployment and just partied with no limitations. I went out drinking one night and blacked out driving after the club, from about 3AM to 6AM. Noone else was in the car with me. When I woke up the car was still driving and my hands were on the wheel going about 20 mph. I was tripped out but honestly didn't think anything of it afterwards although I could not account for anything that happened the past 3hrs that I had blacked out. Crazy!

Later that month I end up getting extacy for me and some people I was stationed with but this doesn't catch up to me until about 8months later. Meanwhile it was time for me to change duty stations. I ended being given orders to Naples, Italy. I was given 3 weeks leave to go home before going overseas and only visited my father about 3 times, knowing very well he was ill. I could not get past my built up anger and bitterness towards him for being an alcoholic. I was in Italy for about 2 months and I get a call that my father is in the hospital, he's been throwing up liters of blood for an unknown reason at the time. I fly back down to Texas and with struggling so long with my anger at him that I could not even allow myself to feel compassion for him.

I just kept thinking "all those years I needed my father and he constantly chose alcohol over me..now he's got himself sick and needs me to be by his side? I can't do it.."

I saw him about twice during the week I was there, went clubbing the rest of the time. The couple of times I did see him I remembered being amazed at how sober he was. I grew up with him being a functional drunk that it was abnormal to see him sober and to be so aware of me all of a sudden.

I flew back to Italy and about 2 weeks later, got another phone call that my father had passed away. I flew back down Dec. 2003 to bury my father that 31st. I didn't cry at his funeral. I remember my mother being so concerned because of my lack of reaction to everything that was going on. But I refused to talk about anything. I was in complete shock. Just like my father, I turned to alcohol to deal with my issues and emotions. Ironic how I hated him for doing that but did so myself. I ended up going to jail for drinking and driving shortly after that. Of course got in trouble for that as soon as I went back to Italy with the Navy. The Navy also wanted to investigate the situation with the extacy the summer before. This all happened back to back in Jan. 2004. They sent me back to my last duty station Aug 2004 so that they could deal with the situation there. They have a strict no tolerance for drug use of course so I knew I was going to be put out soon. After months of court trials and investigation, I was sentenced to 1 month in military prison. After getting out they didn't put me out just yet. I was struggling with all types of things at this time as you can probably imagine. On top of battling alcoholism myself, I also had anger issues. The Navy sent me to classes for both but they didn't work. I came out more angry and drank even more, especially with everything going on. I felt I hadn't even had a chance to grieve after my fathers death because of my previous screw ups. I remembering praying that God would make me numb to everything. I didn't want to feel or be too aware of anything. So meanwhile I continued to party but hadn't touch extacy or any other drug since that summer that stuff had went down.

A friend and I went to a club in D.C. and someone slipped me something (that I later realized it was a date rape drug). I tried to let my friend know that something was very wrong at some point. Everything was blurry all of a sudden and I was beginning to stumble. But my friend acted like I was embarrassing her (because of my stumbling I think?) while she was dancing with some guy. She gave me such an ugly look that I'll never forget. I ended up waking up in some strange hotel in the next state over. This strange guy was talking to me but I was so groggy I was still having problems speaking. I could not remember what he looked like of course. I had the same girl from the night before come get me but she acted like I had just somehow got drunk again and got myself in some drama. But I knew what had happened.

Meantime the Navy is telling me that I won't be anything after they put me out. That noone will hire me and that with this stuff on my background that I won't ever get accepted to any college. I was so very depressed after I got out. I was so convinced that I was beneath the scum of the earth that I would cry myself to sleep many nights after praying and asking God for forgiveness.

I somehow pushed myself to apply for the Art Institute for fashion design. I thought it was so far fetched to be accepted but what the heck did I have to lose? I had already lost so much that I figured it didn't matter. They not only accepted me but financed me for housing out there too. A year into school, I met my best friend now who invited me to her church. There was nothing like feeling Gods presence for the first time like that. His love was so overwhelming and I was in awe at how He could love me after everything I had done and all the people I had hurt along the way. He saw something redeemable in me and let me know at that moment that He had so much more for me. I opened up my heart to Him at that time, as scared as I was and let Him in. I have completely run after God ever since!

Since then God has turned me into a godly woman with a heart for His people. God has helped me to let go of anger and healed my heart. He has made me whole. God's completely covered me with His love and I am over flowing with it! I'm in the process of starting my own clothing line, photography business, along with working on gifts and talents He's revealed to me so far. The possibilities are endless as far as how God wants to grow and mold me. :)

I pray this ministers to someone. Its rare if I ever speak of my testimony and not cry. I believe I'm crying for the lost girl that I was before Christ. All the many hurtful, painful things I put her through being on the outside of Gods will. But praise be to God, He saved and redeemed me! He can do the same for you too if you're struggling with making a decision to come to Him. Just open up your heart, declare He is Lord and Savior over your life, repent for trying to live life without Him and come on home.

He's waiting with open arms.. <3

Busyness equals Productiveness?

Many of us have different things going on in our lives. From parenting to maintaining careers, and from maintaining marriages to up-keeping our homes to building up gifts/talents, etc. Busyness can come in many forms.

Dictionary.com defines busyness as the quality or condition of being busy (duh, lol) and, lively but meaningless activity.

So just to put myself on blast for a min, I have previously struggled with confusing the two here. Thinking that if I was busy that that meant I was getting things done and essentially being productive. But what God had to teach me was that I was just appearing to look productive by being 'lively" but if I wasn't pursuing Him and His kingdom and righteousness, none of the other things and work mattered and it was all counted "meaningless activity". 

• Then I looked on all the works that my hands had wrought , and on the labour that I had laboured to do : and, behold, all was vanity and vexation of spirit, and there was no profit under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:11 (KJV)

• Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 2:11 (NIV)

Here we can feel Solomon's frustration in realizing everything he had accomplished and obtained was for nothing. Why did he considered for nothing though? He's seemingly ranting about these things that are all counted as vanity or meaningless, but it's for a purpose. As Solomon closes in Ecclesiastes 17:13,14, he says "Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole [duty] of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil." He's stressing that if we do not keep God first and follow His instructions, everything that we obtain will be counted as nothing. 

  
So how do we put God first? What does that look like?

• And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him , and said , Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her. - Luke 10:39-42

The word in the Greek used for "cumbered" in this scripture is "perispao" meaning 'to be distracted, to be over-occupied, too busy.' Martha had confused being busy with being productive. But Jesus was quick to remind her that what Mary had chosen to do was good. Her choosing to sit at His feet above anything else, was symbolic that she placed Him FIRST in her life. She knew that the other things and chores could wait, til after she had spent time with God. Jesus made it clear that Mary had the proper understanding that He came before those things Martha was distracted by. He made it clear that what Mary had chose to do was the type of PRODUCTIVITY that matters. So although there were things that needed to be done, there was a priority in which they needed to be done also. God first, everything else second. What you choose to make a priority says much about your level of productivity and essentially your love for God. 





Don't think that just because you're caught up with church duties and schedules that that is sufficient. This is just another form of busyness and there still needs to be time set aside for God. Not at the end of your day but at the beginning. This is how we show God we place Him first, before our busy lives. Whether we have to wake up an extra 30min before the day starts, it's a simple sacrifice that needs to be made for the betterment of our relationship with God.  Nothing can substitute for spending time in Gods presence through prayer and worship. This is the place where we're replenished and refilled for everything we pour out to others, either in sowing or in protecting our spirits daily. Skipping out on this can result in us feeling empty and drained. Keep in mind that this is how people end up backsliding. Backsliding can always be traced back to a LACK of God in that persons life.


Busyness is just a distraction if we don't have a grip on what is important. Its a tactic the enemy uses to deter us from actually making progress in the building up of the Kingdom of God here on earth. From things that "need" to be done to people that can constantly pull on you for your attention for various reasons. But remember, what you see as valuable or important, you will strive to put first and make time for.

Related scripture:

•   But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. - Matthew 6:33

Epiphany

Epiphany is defined as: a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. 


I've recently had an epiphany about everything, it seems like! About myself and my standards in life, from childhood up until now. It hit me like a ton of bricks this last week. I realized that everything I ever went for in life from jobs to friendships and relationships even talents I pursued (or not) was all based on what I saw as "achievable" or less challenging. I limited myself because I was not comfortable with being challenged. I knew that what came with being challenged was a possibility of failing at the end. That was my perspective on it. Though that may be a possibility, you always come out better at the end of a challenge. God challenges us daily and all through out our relationship with Him. Why? Because challenges cause growth. And though I know this and was even ministering and preaching this myself to others, I wasn't getting the message myself. 


About a week ago the Lord gave me a deep dream. In the dream I was climbing this steep mountain and finally reached the top. As I looked to see what as the top of this mountain, I noticed a shack looking house, tin roof and everything. Off to the side I notice a small table in which I go to sit at. Next thing I know there's a baby in my hands. The baby looks neglected, malnourished, unkept, dark circles under his eyes, and only wearing a diaper. I was alarmed to see this baby in this condition but the way I was holding him indicated I did not want responsibility for him. 


Now in spiritual dreams, as some of you may know, babies can indicate ministries. So in these dreams you know the baby isn't biologically yours but it's yours, as in, they have been entrusted into your care. I've had another dream about a baby (ministry) but that one was very healthy and happy. So I wasn't sure what to think of this dream and baby. As I'm telling the details of this dream a close friend, I realize this dream is a lot deeper than what I originally thought. My friend suddenly asks me, "Is there a gift you have been neglecting?" As soon as he spoke that my spirit spoke and told me exactly which gift it was I had been neglecting. For now I won't go into what that gift is but know that this was a pivotal moment in my walk with God. 


Not only did I obviously realize I need to use this gift and take care of it (baby) or it can be taken away and given to another who is more grateful and appreciative. But I also realized why I had been avoiding and ignoring this gift. I am completely uncomfortable with challenges. Physically, I love to challenge myself and push myself to my limits but I avoid them in other areas of life. I've always lowered my standards so that I wouldn't face failure of any kind. From "decent" (meaning I settled for less than the best in my eyes) boyfriends in the past to being a doormat in previous friendships, I was alright with these things because I was never challenged to be better. They loved/liked me as I was, or so I thought, and NEVER encouraged or pushed me to be better than that. I was comfortable. I have allowed myself to not grow this gift because I am so uncomfortable with the circumstances in which I would need to practice and grow it (In front of others). Now I know that those relationships weren't built on love so what those people expected of me or not wasn't legit. Love is wanting you to do better. Love is encouraging you to grow. Love is rebuking and correcting you when you're wrong. My God has shown me this. I feel as though I'm waking up to reality of how I see my self worth and how God sees me. God can't walk me into something if I don't believe I should be there. My belief in myself is just as important as my belief in God. Afterall I am a product of His love and craftsmanship. How could I ever doubt what's within me? 

God never gives us more than what we can handle. He is the solution to any and every problem we're presented with. I'm so grateful He knows me better than I know myself. Just as He called Jeremiah to be a prophet but Jeremiah doubted his ability to walk in that calling, God equipped him with His words. Jeremiah thought he was insufficient for the calling but God rebuked him. He let Jeremiah know it wasn't his place to say or decide something like that. It was God who called Jeremiah and knew that he could fulfill the calling successfully. Thank God for motivating and believing in me. I know that if it were up to me, I would forever stay at the same level out of comfort. I'm so blessed knowing that God is answering my prayers and yours, as we continue to seek Him daily. God cannot prosper us and give us a hopeful future if we resist His leading. I'm learning to trust Him in a new way, knowing He would not give me gifts if He thought I would fail. I now have a new hope for my future, ready to lean on God for every turn and curve that arises. I hope this encourages someone who may be doubting your abilities. Know that it's about what God can do through you. Just worry about yielding and let Him lead. God is with you every step of the way. Pray your way through, beloved. Be blessed everyone and I'll let you know how my gift growing is going later. :)

 
Relating scriptures:

• For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
• The word of the LORD came to me, saying, "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." "Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. 8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, "Now, I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant." - Jeremiah: 1:4-10 (NIV)

Complaining Stops Progress

And the whole congregation of the children of Israel murmured against Moses and Aaron in the wilderness: And the children of Israel said unto them, Would to God we had died by the hand of the LORD in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the flesh pots, and when we did eat bread to the full; for ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger. Then said the LORD unto Moses, Behold, I will rain bread from heaven for you; and the people shall go out and gather a certain rate every day , that I may prove them, whether they will walk in my law, or no.- Exodus 16:2-4 (KJV) 


When God took the children of Israel through the wilderness, they grumbled against Moses in frustration because of their circumstances. But it was God they grumbled against, unhappy and complaining about where they were and the "lack" they thought they had. They even went as far as to say they wish they would've died back in Egypt, where according to them they had plenty food. (Exodus 16:3) How crazy is that though? They were oppressed and kept in bondage in Egypt but would rather go back to that because the food was plenty. Though it was bondage, they had become so accustomed to being treated like that. But reasoned that they would rather be in bondage where they were familiar with the circumstances, than be in a new circumstance where they didn't know the end result. Why would they want to go back to bondage than be free though? Because the freedom came with a different level of uncertainty and uncomfortableness. They were mistreated and in bondage before but at least they were familiar with it. (*A whole other topic to go into.) They didn't understand that the new place they were in was a blessing in itself. A blessing because it's when we're placed in an uncomfortable position that we're forced to move and grow. It's in our fleshly nature that we avoid uncomfortable situations but God knows these situations are best for spiritual growth. And when we grow we get that much closer to walking out what God has for us.

So instead of the children of Israel first responding by getting in prayer (act of faith) to see what God had for them, their response was to complain (act of doubt) and regretted following Moses, who was following God, out of Egypt. Though they complained to Moses, those complaints were counted straight to God because Moses was only being obedient to Gods will and commands. So in essence, they were regretting following God at this time. In Exodus 16:4, God lets Moses know that He will provide for them but He was also going to prove or test them in the process by giving specific instructions and commands. The children of Israel had just proved to God once more, that they needed more refining and testing. It was in their grumbling and lack of gratitude, they showed they lacked maturity.

Many times when God is taking us through a refining fire and process, our first reaction or response is to complain and fuss about about our circumstances. Complaining comes from a place of misunderstanding though. Understand that these things are done according to God's understanding. Great thing is, we can get in prayer and ask God for His understanding of things. But we shouldn't delay in being obedient just because we lack an understanding. A child doesn't always know why a parent has certain rules but obeys out of respect and honor of that parent. So know that the refining process is to prove us ready. Prove us ready for what? you might be wondering. Prove us ready for the blessings, ministry, callings, answered prayers, marriage, etc - Whatever the case may be, this is a necessary process in where God teaches us to be more dependent upon Him to lead and guide us through. Some of these blessings are only released AFTER He's tested us and proved we're mature enough to maintain them.

Complaining stops progress in these ways:

• blocks us from seeing our own blessings because we're too focused on the negative.
• if we don't see our blessings than we have a lack of gratitude towards God.
• deflects from what we need to see within ourselves that need addressing (i.e. faults, mistakes, temptations, weaknesses, etc)
• promotes a prideful/arrogant mindset, as though you're "too good" to suffer or above it.
• prevents us from walking in humility and being content, therefore building up impatience, frustration, etc. 
• builds up uncontrollable emotions and makes you emotion driven instead of being Spirit led.
• creates a negative environment for everyone else around us. Negativity breeds negativity.

So don't stop your progress by complaining! Everyone has room to grow and make improvements. Remember that just because you're trying to refrain from complaining, doesn't mean you shouldn't be concerned about certain things. Take these things to God and be productive about what you're concerned about. But complaining is completely unproductive. Many times we're moved to complain because we're not confident in what God is doing in our lives. Spend more time with Him and allow Him to reassure and reaffirm you.

*Scriptures related to this to meditate on. Be blessed, friends. :)

• But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. - Matthew 6:33
• My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. - James 1:2-4 (KJV) 
• But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. - Galatians 5:22-23 (KJV)

Waiting On Your Blessings

Right now God has me a place where I'm awaiting Him for some specific blessings. This has been such a trying time for me. I can't really go into detail of what specifically I'm waiting on, but when God finally manifests this thing I'll be sure to fill you guys in. :) Anyways, back to me. ( haha ) This trial has been the longest and toughest one I've ever been through. I've witnessed some awesome things firsthand that God has done in my life and others. I know that He is more than able! This is nothing for Him to bring to pass. But during this waiting period I've heard some doubtful comments about my situation "are you sure God said that?" "maybe that isn't the case now and you should get in prayer to find out what He wants for you now.." and so on and so forth. And I can't lie. There were times I doubted I was hearing correctly also. Though I've had countless confirmations ranging from dreams, visions, to prophetic words - this is a unique situation that has TESTED my faith in God unlike anything else. Just like with any test, there's pressure. I think it's in our nature to avoid that pressure also. It's when we stick with the test and lesson at hand that God is truly able to grow us. In situations like this we have to understand that NOT everyone is going to understand what God is doing in our individual lives. This helps us in maintaining and building our faith in God but also helps us to not hold grudges and forgive those that don't understand. Throughout this experience God has shown me the things I need work on and ways I was holding back my own progress. In this instance it's pushed me to get closer to God by spending more time with Him through the word, prayer, fasting, praise and worship. I needed to get closer to Him to make sure I was hearing right and in essence, going in the right direction. With this particular trial I've learned it's important to walk circumspectly and ask God to show me my own faults so that I may reach as much growth as possible through the trial. So though this situation has been less than desirable, I am so appreciative for this opportunity to grow and get a few steps closer to who God has called me to be. :) I encourage you all to keep pressing forth with the vision and plan God has given you. This isn't a time for anyone to second guess themselves or ASSUME God said anything, so if anything increase the time you spend with God. We have to know that we know that we know. Then we have to be faithful with that by speaking blessings and life over the situation and acts of faith in alignment with that. Remember to keep those close to you that DO understand and support you.Things like that may seem insignificant but they make such a difference. Be encouraged everyone, and know you're not alone in your pursuit of God's best.

P.S. I cannot wait to share the full testimony when it's fully played out later. :)

• "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the LORD. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." - Isaiah 55:8 (NLT)
• See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, - Ephesians 5:15 (KJV)

Merry Go 'Round of Dreams

A crumbling down,
A building up
round 'n round,
my heart goes.
On this ride of heighten emotions of affection
Dancing on clouds of dreams of us, I doze...
Now sudden pained lows and spiraling confusion
With the harsh reality that they were just that; dreams imposed.

And it goes and goes
Going everywhere, all around
Emotions spin, turn, and twist
this roller coaster of love, goes round 'n round.


Trusting again, feeling unashamed
as little children do,
A glimpse of a vision gained
Innocent eyes fixed on the future
of what could be,
In a daze, high off the fumes
of what should be,
Mists of promises depicted in beautiful mirages .
Floating down a river,
of dream formed memories and collages
of you and me together, I picture.


Caught in between reality and fiction
Searching, itching for my next high.
I see reality but what oversees that is my addiction.

On the edge of love, feeling alive
arms open wide, free falling with my heart,
I'm floating, I'm gliding, down as I dive.

Knowing reality but refusing to give up, refusing to let go.
Aware of dreams but knowing also what's meant to be.
If he only knew I am the one that's really woke
If he only knew he was the one really asleep. 
Until that final day he realizes and believes,
I will press to continue, thriving on hope
When he finally wakes up and he finally sees,
that he's been sleep walking, in a dream like state 
Then he will dream my dreams, making this our shared reality.
But until then I'll keep waiting by his bed, til he finally stirs and is finally awake...

A Mothers Love

Eloquent,
Lucid,
Articulate.  
 
No - not quite...it's
Speechless,
Unheard,
Soundless.

Fluid are the tears;
What words can't speak, tears stand in the gap to be heard.
Each tear complex, unique, and not easily understood,
from childhood until now, she did not overlook
but rather stayed up late wondering, searching 
racking her brain for something she could do;
Desperate, Something, Anything
To make disappear any pain of mine,
to place a smile upon my face instead,
to love and hug my pain away,
Yes, even her happiness for my pain she traded.

The love of a mother;
It's profound and unimaginable, the depths and extent of this love,
As exquisite the rose's fragrance and the rose's appearance,
but as the thorns are prickly and arrow-like,
so is this love protecting,
defending as barriers and spikes,
of her child, never neglecting.

And only God understands this love fully,
cause from Him did this love first come
it was first formed.
From the cross to the grave, from there to the sky,
from the sky to the hearts of those that cave,
give in under the weight,
of His sacrifice, under the heaviness and absoluteness of His love.
Is the origin and foundation of the heart of a mother.
It's not by coincidence, definitely not by chance,
but neither by happenstance,
That a woman would allow her heart to be
filled,
flooded,
engulfed,
by this compassion and stance,
for another, that another being her child.

See life is about choices, choices determining the destinies.
So according to choices, decisions, and resolutions,
is what is used to paint the masterpiece,
the finished product and end result.
These prepared my mothers open, yielding heart for this love.
The love that fueled a devotion and adoration...
.. for me.

- And for this, I thank you Mom...
I've learned much from you but the best of these was loyalty.

*Dedicated to the special woman in my life, Ruth Rodriguez-Dunnahoo. Mothers Day May, 2012

Hard Times

We've all gone through or are currently going through some hard times. And it's in our nature to attempt to avoid or avert the storm because it's uncomfortable. Who likes to be uncomfortable? Understand that these hard times AKA "storms" are NECESSARY! It's when we're placed in an uncomfortable situation that we're forced to move. Hard times/Storms aid in shaping and molding us into the people God has created us to be. So how do storms accomplish this? Storms obviously place pressure on us that brings to surface HINDRANCES that need to be addressed and removed. These hindrances can range from faults, old/ungodly mindsets, weaknesses, negative/limited perceptions, etc - All of these HINDER our spiritual growth in God. From birth we are in flesh. And that flesh craves the things that are pleasing to the our natural senses; smell, taste, sound, touch, sight.(I think those are all the senses? Lol) It doesn't help that the world we live in caters to those very senses that we, as a Christian culture, are trying to move away from. We're wanting to move away from these because to be driven by these senses means we're not being led by the Spirit of God. But as the word of God says," Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is —his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Romans 12:2 (NIV) But our fleshes DESIRES and WANTS are these! So what is the remedy? The remedy for this: to DIE DAILY. This means we have to let our flesh die daily and often, by not giving into temptation, exercising self control, and disciplining ourselves. We know the goal is this: to move away from the fleshes' WANTS, or as you may have heard others call it DECREASING, so that our spirit may have ample room to grow. We are created with BOTH, spirit and flesh, but one cannot grow stronger with the other in the way. Makes sense, right? It's like having one pot of soil with two different plants. One has got to die for the other to continue growth. Being that the goal is to DECREASE in the flesh so that the spirit may grow stronger than the flesh, how do we do that? Let me first let you know that if you go down a list of DO's and DONT's you will be overwhelmed and you will STRUGGLE at trying maintaining the list. Many have had a technical view point and approach to living for God and they have failed or backslid in their walk in result. Nothing about our relationship with God is suppose to be FORCED or TECHNICAL. It's like any marriage in the sense that you marry someone its because you're in love with them and want to spend the rest of your life with them. So why then do some treat their union with God as a duty? We can't go into this with God as though this is a chore or job to us. We're not employees. We are children of God with an inheritance awaiting us, and as a people we are the Bride of Christ. Some have failed because they first failed to fall in love with God. When you fall in love with someone, nothing they ask or require of you is too much. You DESIRE to do things to please them because you want to see them happy more than anything. How much more though for God, your Creator, who has nothing but plans to prosper you? "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) So with this new perspective of dying to self/flesh we can now look at these "storms" as necessary for spiritual growth and edification. I urge and implore you to find out more about who God is and what He's capable of. Spend time with Him in worship and prayer. Take your time doing these things. And as you spend time with Him, you WILL fall in love! It's impossible to know God and not absolutely adore and love Him greatly. So get to know Him, beloved. :) As a child when a parent or an adult told us "no, don't do that or don't touch that", we wanted to know why? And maybe from a parent's point of view it seemed disrespectful to ask before obeying but sometimes it really helps the child to better follow through with instructions when we are patient to explain and help them to understand why this or that is dangerous or harmful, etc. We now take this into consideration with needing to decrease in the flesh. Having a better understanding will hopefully move you to better follow through in dying to flesh and better endure hardship. No, your flesh HATES being tested and going through this storm but YES, it's good for your spirit! Take notes of what tempts you and of your faults/weaknesses also. Uproot those things by addressing them in prayer and fasting. Make the most of this storm so that you can double or triple your progress.  Keep in mind that the attitude you have while going through the storms is also being ASSESSED! NO complaining and NO negativity! For those going through right now; keep your head up! Know that all precious gems and metals have to go through a refining fire to burn off their impurities. :) Be blessed everyone. Love you all.

Be Wise With Your Heart

Sometimes we are the reason why we get hurt. We decide who we open up to and who we let in our hearts. Foolish decisions have negative consequences. Learn from these mistakes and take your time in opening up next time. Choose wisely next time and stop the vicious cycle of MANY Mr. or Ms. wrongs. Not everyone is worth the key to your heart. ;)

Heart Check

Hurtful words can leave bruises and scars to the heart, just as hits to the physical body can. But as bruises and wounds heal after time on the physical body, SOME hearts will forever bear the after effects of hurtful words. Whether we mean what we say or not, doesn’t matter after the damage has been done. The fact that we allow those thoughts to enter and REMAIN in our hearts is whats most hurtful.

… What you say flows from what is in your heart.- Luke 6:45 #heartcheck

Death To Diets

If you were to workout only ONCE a week, you wouldn’t see a difference in your health. Same thing with eating right. If you only ate ONE healthy meal a week, what good would that do? We all know that if we’re serious about making a healthy change with our bodies that it’s a necessity to eat right and work out regularly. This is the same concept with our SPIRIT. Difference is the goal is to trim off FLESH and not weight. Reading your word ONCE a week, getting in prayer ONCE a week is not going to cut it. Your spirit will not grow if you’re not making trying to transition into this Kingdom culture permanently. Stop dieting and making this a lifestyle. Trim off the flesh so your spirit can have room to grow. Your flesh can’t go where God is taking you.

Self Control Over Emotions

Exercising self control is vital to REMAINING in the will of God. Keep in mind that if your emotions are out of control its due to your thoughts being out of control FIRST. Be watchful over what negative (doubtful & faithless) or ungodly thoughts you allow to stay. They become uncontrollable emotions and reactions if you don’t check them. Either you have control over your thoughts and emotions or they have control over you.

Golden Words

Avoid talking about people when they’re down. Whether you understand why they’re struggling or not isn’t any of your business. If you’re really concerned you’ll pray for them. Sometimes we can get too caught up in discussing the details of someones life and struggle when we have no idea how hard it was for them to simply wake up and get out of bed that morning. Our lack of understanding or reasoning with others struggles, leaves us less than compassionate and borderline cruel with our thoughts and comments of them. Let’s challenge ourselves to push past our limited understanding and perception of things to support them in prayer. Ask God how you can benefit someone who you think may be going through a hard time. Whatever you do, just avoid adding to their pain with hurtful words. Many of us have been misunderstood in the past and as long as others continue to misunderstand us, their words seemed hurtful.

 
Keep in mind: If you have time to talk about them then you have time to pray for them. Make your words worth being spoken.

Nobody's Perfect?

The saying “Nobody’s perfect” can have a lot of people becoming complacent with their faults and weaknesses. But this only results in them never striving to change that. Realize your faults so you can address them and be a better you. Ignoring them or refusing to work on them can have you missing out on bettering your relationships and friendships. Afterall, our best relationships are the ones when BOTH are willing to compromise and grow BETTER together.

Obedience: High Form of Loving God

Obedience is one of the highest forms of love you can show God. The type of obedience where you push past feelings or circumstances to follow through, because you LOVE God more than yourself. When you struggle with fear, trust, faith, and hope it makes you live a life of PARTIAL or COMPLETE disobedience. Those that don’t struggle with these, DON’T because they KNOW God. They’ve taken the time out to actually pick up their cross and follow Him.

God is looking for a people willing to live a life of obedience for Him.

God is looking for a people ON FIRE for Him.